Chapter 2: Invitation

Pomelo: So handsome, I’m gone

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“Fall in!”

The sudden command interrupted the two people’s sensual scheming thoughts.

An Youxi came back to his senses, hid behind the wutong tree with red cheeks, covered his face and screamed silently.

‘Ah ah ah ah ah, so so so so handsome, I’m gone I’m gone I’m gone, ah ah ah……’

What is a little milk dog? A little milk dog is precisely this!

As for Atlas? He might as well be a ball! [1]

As everyone knows – Beauty and hard work go hand in hand, body and youthfulness meld together, the flesh is supple yet unyielding, cute and adorable but still handsome [2]! At this moment, An Youxi suddenly knew why the dinosaurs went extinct. Because their forelimbs were too short to applaud such beauty that is in the prime of its prosperity [3], so they were sad to death la! 

What? You are asking about school grass An Youxi? What knickknack is he [4]? Can he be eaten?

‘The chief worker at the hardware store asked me how many pieces I consisted of, the fortune teller asked me what my 8 characters were, the postman asked me if I was a small package, the cleaning auntie asked me what kind of garbage I was, the DiDi [5] driver asked me if I knew what my exact location was.’ [6]

At this moment, the former school grass An Youxi just wanted to shout loudly— ‘I’m unworthy! I’m unworthy!’

Then he started to hand pick the flowers around to weave and entangle them in a dazzling flower wreath to personally put it on the new school grass – the handsome man with unknown name [7].Then he would lie shyly under him (?).

‘Calm down, calm down, there are still many people outside, watching. Please restrain yourself!!!’

An Youxi exerted his strength to give himself a hard slap to the face.

‘Come, do it with me!’

‘Deep breaths, deep breaths, take it in—and out—in—out—’  [8]

Two seconds later, An Youxi’s entire body collapsed to the ground and he squatted before slowly covering his face again.

‘I’m gone, ah ah ah ah ah!’

….

IN FRONT OF THE WUTONG TREE:

Ran Ningmu alone stood firm and steady in the middle of the now unstable social atmosphere, when he looked up, the thin figure had suddenly disappeared.

??

BEHIND THE WUTONG TREE:

An Youxi turned on the camera, staring at the freshly developed high-definition photo of the handsome guy in his hand and smiled.

The eyelashes, the nose, the Adam’s apple, there is also the legendary tough jawline that looks like it was cut with a knife and chiselled with an axe!

Help, how can someone in the world look so good to his G spot!

Every facial feature was sexy, even the fine hairs on the cheek leaked the strong scent of male hormones, especially the slightly parted glossy soft red lips which held a hint of confusion. The mellow and full lips were covered with a thin mist of sweat and faintly showed the neatly ordered pure white teeth that were just like little shells.

‘Good, it would be really good to kiss…. Control your thoughts, you slut!’

An Youxi patted his hot face, shook his fingertips and clicked on the link that Xia Qianqian had sent last night. What he saw was a full-body shot of a tall and straight build that perfectly showed the youthful, thin waist and long legs of the youth – smack. 

Sure enough, the one that snatched away his school grass title was precisely the man in front of him – handsome enough to be compared to a great general! As expected of his future husband – he was truly fierce and amazing!

Yes, An Youxii had already determined that he fell in love with the boy at first sight. No hesitation, no coyness. He even went as far as to secretly cry out ‘husband’ in his heart, truly too shameless.

An Youxi took a photo with the camera and sent it to Xia Qianqian, then held the mobile phone with one hand to leaf through the rainbow farts [9] being blown in the forum and giggled from pride.

‘Ran Ningmu…. It turns out his name is Ran Ningmu ah.’

Even the name gave off the impression of that cute and refreshing type of milky yet heroic handsomeness [10]. It was honestly, too cute ba!

Obviously, An Youxi at this time has already fallen in love and cannot extricate himself from it. Not only was he unable to extricate herself, his head was unfortunately completely flooded with water [11]. Not only was his head completely flooded with water, the water was sour lemonade, the pH dropped to 2.5 [12] and the head had only 250 ml remaining. His whole head was completely filled with love [13].

Clearly, last night he was preparing to come over to observe the state of the enemy. Who knew that today, after seeing the real person, he would directly lie down and cry out ‘Husband’.

No matter who it was that saw such a scene, would be unable to restrain themselves from secretly sighing that the affairs of the world are inconstant ah.

Xia Qianqian: What the fuck! This face shot is too handsome ba?! As expected of the man that not even you can defeat! Simply the best!!!

An Youxi shyly covered his face and typed:

An Youxi: So true, so true ah~ As expected of the man who will come hold me down in the future~ His face value alone is holding me~ Such a big and hard fierce gong ne~ [14]” [15]

??

Xia Qianqian was shocked into absent-mindedness by the flavour coming from those tildes (~) and it took her two full seconds to recover.

Xia Qianqian: What do you mean? You can’t have experienced the moment of heartbeat and been moved ba???

An Youxi: doki doki~ [16] Moved ah, moved ah~ Now I can’t wait to move myself up and down ne~ (〃つωC) 

Xia Qianqian: ?????

Ignoring the messy thoughts of the mind-blown Xia Qianqian, An Youxi picked up his camera and stood up.

The moment he stepped out from behind the tree he changed his demeanour a second time: he became a cool and haughty kaolin flower [17]. Fresh and beautiful eyebrows, eyes that were full of clear specks of light, fair skin that seemed as if it was covered with frost, greyish blue irises half-hidden by lush and thick eyelashes resembling fragile mountain crystals. Anyone who looked at him would be overcome by the feeling of “We, the Commoners” until they sighed from the emotional surges. [18]

It can be put simply in exactly two words: Top Quality

If one were to make an analogy with a collection of treasures, then An Youxi would be the kind that must be protected with an affixed dust-proof glass cover then locked into a safe – the kind that can’t be easily shown to strangers.

Of course, in that moment it was all an illusion – he was merely too nervous and had no idea what expression to make, nothing more than that.

Because his appearance was too cold, An Youxi’s expressionless face seemed much more alienated from that of ordinary people. On ordinary days, there was no shortage of people who were unfamiliar with his person and misunderstood his true character.

Heavens know that he was anything but as clear as ice and as pure as jade like a kaolin flower. He was merely a little pampered flower who was budding and ready to burst but not yet open. Nothing more. He was truly wronged.

The truly wronged An Youxi re-aimed the camera at Ran Ningmu’s handsome face that provoked the jealousy of the heavens and the grievances of men. The deepest parts of the little pomelo’s core were completely filled and stained with the pink bubbles of love and their wet squelching sound once again [19].

‘I need to chase him!’ An Youxi recalled the fleeting glimpse he had managed to catch, which was beautiful enough to shock the heavens and earth and cause the ghosts and gods to weep, and secretly came to a decision in his heart. ‘I have established that I must make him become the father of my future children!’

……

On the other side, Ran Ningmu, who had been peeping straight towards the direction where An Youxi disappeared, saw the little beauty suddenly reappear. He quickly retracted his gaze, puffed up his chest, sucked in his abdomen, and strived to become the freshest and tallest head of fragrant-flowered garlic in the garlic field.

‘He is so cute. His skin is so white, his hair looks so soft, the tip of his nose is adorably small and upturned, and his eyes are super beautiful and clear, like glass balls filled with water.’

‘I fell in love with him at first sight!’ Ran Ningmu relished in the aftertaste of the encounter just now. In any case, spilled water cannot be gathered up and he was deeply affected by his first encounter with true love from just a glance for the first time in ten thousand years, and his ears turned adorably red at the thought. ‘I have established that I must make him become my future wife!’

……

The morning military training passed quickly.

Of course, only An Youxi and Ran Ningmu – these two exotic flowers – felt it passed quickly, the others were eagerly looking forward to going to the canteen early to eat before returning to the dormitory to lie down and sleep like corpses.

A classmate came over to ask Ran Ningmu to eat together, but Ran Ningmu refused the other party’s invitation, staring as if he were in a trance at the faint outline of the figure’s white back in the crowd. He hadn’t even had the time to look at the other party some more yet it was time to part, the next encounter being who knows when….. Ran Ningmu blinked, took a deep breath, and walked towards the boy.

……

The dismissive command from the whistle reverberated in the air before the noisy crowd surged the entire ground like a green wave. The dense crowd rushed past his gaze and when he looked up again, the boy had already disappeared without a trace.

Unwilling to give up, An Youxi looked left and right across the field full of the glossy green heads of fragrant-flower garlic but was ultimately unable to find the handsome boy his heart was anxiously longing for. ‘In fact, it’s also okay to stay down here like this. Anyway I can still come over here in the afternoon to peep at him and sneakily take pictures, there’s no need to be impatient at least for a while….’

Thinking like that, An Youxi reluctantly put away the camera intending to go back to order some fried chicken takeaway and drink a cup of iced milk tea, to commemorate this memorable day.

However, the moment An Youxi turned around, he accidentally stepped on a plastic bottle that had been kicked and had fallen under his feet. The sudden loss of balance in his body startled An Youxi’s hearth and his flailing right hand seemed to slap against something soft, which he had previously photographed, producing a loud sound [20]. 

“Senior, be careful— wu.” [21]

A low and deep voice, sounding slightly eager, sounded from behind him. Immediately afterwards, a broad palm firmly pressed against An Youxi’s falling back, and exerted its strength to catch and push him upwards, steadily supporting An Youxi’s body until he regained his footing.

“…..” An Youxi was stunned by the sudden low-pitched sound, so when he regained his footing he abruptly came to a stop from his realisation and immediately turned his head with a swish.

Ran Ningmu covered his face, met An Youxi’s shocked eyes, and immediately smiled at him on reflex, revealing two pointed tiger teeth and sweet dimples. 

“…..” An Youxi’s breathing stagnated. Not only were his eardrums rendered completely numb, but his heart also trembled. As a VA, An Youxi more or less had voicecon sickness [22]. However, even if he had heard countless voices, he had no choice but to to admit: Ran Ningmu’s voice would belong in the top even if one were to put it alongside the hundreds of voices in the network circle to compete for beauty. It was neither too deep and old-fashioned, nor magnetic and mechanical –  no matter whether it was the timbre, tone or chest resonance, it was all just right. It was simply the exact sound of An Youxi’s deepest feeling and dreams!

Coincidentally, in addition to being a voicecon, An Youxi was also a dimplecon. 

In just three seconds, An Youxi’s su [23] point and meng point were stabbed quickly, accurately and ruthlessly, to the point where his legs were not up to the task of holding him up and he nearly knelt down on the spot.

‘What kind of idol drama plot is this ah?’ How could their meeting happen so skillfully: in his hurry, he tripped and fell and is now being held by the other party until he was completely covered by him! ‘Yuelao [24], this is truly you Yuelao? Is this the red string [25] you bring to me? Yuelao, you just wait, when I return, I will give you [26], this elder, a supply of joss sticks and candles to hold!’

An Youxi: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I hit you just now, didn’t I? Are you in pain?”

Saying that, he wanted to stretch out his hand to help Ran Ningmu take a look. Of course, the real reason was that he wanted to take advantage of the situation to stroke him and grab a handful of him.

Ran Ningmu was in the process of picking up the bottle, when he heard the words and lifted his head. His wheat skin had a healthy flush and he wiped off the sweat that had previously covered his face. The whole face was clear and refreshing, let alone an injury, there wasn’t even a pimple.

An Youxi acted as if nothing had happened and restrainedly retracted his hand, but in his heart he secretly thought it was a pity.

Ran Ningmu: “I’m not in pain but what about you, senior, does your foot have any sprains?”

An Youxi waved his hands. “No, no, fortunately you held me, otherwise I would have caused a stampede.”

Ran Ningmu gave a low chuckle and carefully observed An Youxi’s back. “It’s okay, you’re fine.”

“This is so embarrassing….”

The two of them stood in the constant stream of people that stretched on for miles, looking at each other with deep affection, neither of them being able to resign themselves to depart.

Ran Ningmu and An Youxi: ‘Wow, this close he looks so much more lovely / handsome ne.’

After all, they couldn’t stay here forever. Soon, the stream of people got bigger and bigger and Ran Ningmu took the initiative to propose: “If senior truly feels apologetic, then the best thing for me to do is to ask senior to go to the canteen and have a meal with me ba.”

An Youxi: “Okay, okay, there’s a new restaurant in the 3rd canteen that serves Sichuan boiled fish [27], how about we go there now and try it ba!”

After speaking such a recklessly shameless sentence [28], An Youxi’s ability to react was delayed. Why was their conversation like this, it was strange ne? But none of that mattered. Because he was about to welcome his first meal with the male god la! Exciting o(≧v≦)o ~ 

The two of them hit it off and walked side by side amongst the green army of fragrant-flower garlics. When passing by the garbage can, Ran Ningmu threw the water bottle into the recyclable section.

Ran Ningmu coughed softly and said with a voice filled with righteous indignation. “Garbage should be earnestly thrown and kept in the bin, those people who litter truly have no regard for public welfare.”

An Youxi nodded dazedly. “Exactly, exactly, truly exceptionally no regard for public welfare.”

Ran Ningmu: “Exactly, exactly, these kinds of people really should be thrown in the bin along with the garbage.”

An Youxi: “Exactly, exactly…….”

Actually he truly wasn’t listening to anything Ran Ningmu was saying, in any case, Ran Ningmu’s words were all correct.

Ran Ningmu secretly glanced at this person whom he was the closest to [29], thinking to himself: ‘Originally, I thought that getting close would be impossible but, unexpectedly, it was extremely smooth sailing ne. It’s just that I he is a little dim and after we just laughed casually a couple of times, senior just followed me for a walk. What if he was cheated by other strange underclassmen brothers, what would be done then?’

While Ran Ningmu was retracting his gaze, An Youxi equally secretly glanced at Ran Ningmu, thinking to himself: ‘Sure enough, his milky meng appearance reflects that he is so gentle and kindhearted. It’s just that his vigilance is too poor. How can he carelessly follow a senior brother, whom he just met for the first time, out for a meal ne? What if other people also craved his body, what would be done then?’

Ran Ningmu and An Youxi: Really Makes One Worry.jpg

The footsteps drifted away.

….

AFTER THE TWO OF THEM LEFT:

Thinking that his water had been stolen, the wretched and obscene guy from before had bought another bottle and, after drinking it to the last drop, threw it away. But in the garbage bin he caught sight of his own original water bottle which had already been thrown away. 

“……”

Fuck your mother.

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The author has something to say:

Pomelo: He’s so easy to cheat

Lemon: He’s so easy to cheat

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T/N: Sorry for delays, this was meant to take way less time but my whole body has been in massive amounts of pain. Anyway, please enjoy these two clowns who have founded circus and clownery as art forms. 90% of what they say and think about each other is so full of innuendos, I really want to cry from the shamelessness and from having to think of innuendos in English

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1. 算个球 – like a ball, to be kicked and hit. Basically he means Atlas can be dropped and disentangled from with no restraint.back
2. Another translator helped with the raws: 正所谓——美貌与汗水齐飞，肉体共青春一色，柔软与刚毅并存，奶萌而不失帅气！back
3. 盛世美颜 – refers to someone who has a very high appearance and is very dazzling at the same time. It also has the meaning of referring to the peak period of appearance. Somebody who is beautiful to the extreme. back
4. RAWs use 东东 which is a cute way to say “something” or “stuff” so I changed it to knickknack because i think knickknack are generally considered cute things that may not be necessarily useful. back
5. Basically taxis. Closest western equivalent is Uber. back
6. An elaborate form of a Chinese meme about the question asked by the aunties who sort garbage in Shanghai when you are throwing out garbage. Now it is used to ridicule that garbage sorting is difficult, and one feels powerless and helpless, it is obviously garbage”; Appeared after July 1, 2019 when Shanghai implemented the strictest garbage classification system. Since it is difficult to classify garbage by yourself, and mistakes in classification may even be punished, the aunt at the garbage collection point will responsibly ask a question “What kind of rubbish are you (this)?”; but everyone also felt that this was a pun, like torturing themselves if they were rubbish? It made them feel very distressed, and the Shanghai aunt who asked this sentence was also dubbed by netizens as one of the top five ruthless people in society alongside fortune tellers, doctors back
7. I asked multiple other translators about this and nobody could come up with wtf An Youxi was talking about here so I did my best to make it work with the previously established idiom and An Youxi’s personality. RAWs: 然后绕着眼花缭乱的手花摘下头顶blingbling的校草桂冠，为新任校草暂不知名美男子 亲手戴上。back
8. RAWs actually say 吸气——呼气——吸气——呼—— (lit. breath in, breath out, breath in, out) but the 吸 means also to ‘suck in’ while ‘呼’  can also mean to cry out back
9. Brainless praising of somebody back
10. 连名字都透露着一股萌哒哒的清新奶帅气息。Another translator helped with the full meaning. 奶 here refers to the same type of qualities as ‘little milk dog’ and 帅 refers to the heroic handsomeness which is often used to describe Ran Ningmu and which I have been consistently referring or referencing as heroic or military general like. back
11. 脑袋还不幸进了水, crazy, out of their mind, filled with crazy thoughts. back
12. pH determines whether a liquid is alkaline, acidic or neutral. Neutral (like drinkable water) is around 7 (6.5-8.5) the more acidic the liquid – the lower the pH, the more alkaline – the higher the pH back
13. 整个一活脱脱的恋爱脑 where 活脱脱 means ‘completely similar’ and ‘恋爱脑’ (lit. love brain) refers to somebody who is completely preoccupied with thoughts of and about love. back
14. 呢 – what about you (in this case it probably asks for agreement like “what about your opinion” back
15. 简直大猛攻呢~  this could be translated in two ways imo and I went with the thirstier option given An Youxi’s personality. 简直 as a combination can mean ‘simply/truly’ but I treated them as separate meaning to add innuendo to MC’s message. back
16. Heartbeat onomatopoeia from Japanese manga (and anime). (it was written that way in the raws) back
17. 高岭之花 – a flower that can only be admired and observed but not touched or approached back
18. 都会情不自禁地生出“我等平民”的感慨. My impression is that “We, the Commoners” gives the feeling of the person you are looking at being outstanding like an immortal especially when compared to the observers which are like commoners in front of royalty. back
19. 内心的小柚子再次噗嗤噗嗤冒起粉红泡泡。Where 内心 means the innermost core of something and 噗嗤 噗嗤 is commonly used in smut as onomatopoeia for splashing liquid (especially ejaculation/ lube prep) The pink bubbles of love are the typical pink bubbles representing love/a crush in anime. back
20. 挥舞的右手似乎从什么柔软的事物上拍了过去，发出啪一声脆响 I have no idea whether the sound was a slap or a click of the camera because of the sentence structure so im making it deliberately ambiguous. back
21. Crying/yelping sound. back
22. Not an actual illness, it just means that his mind and heart lose rational thought when he hears a voice he likes. back
23. The su from Mary Sue. Something that is cool, awesome, amazing, charming etc. In this case AYX liked RNM’s smile so much, he felt it was cool and awesome and amazing and really pleasing to his su point. Aka he feels charmed and seduced basically back
24. Old man on the moon, responsible for marriages and love back
25. Red string of fate binds people to their soulmate. back
26. Respectable you (I will continue to use the same formatting for respectable you throughout the tl) back
27. Slices of fish in hot oil (picture available below) back
28. 急吼吼 – In Shanghai gossip, ji hou hou means that in order to do one thing, the person concerned behaves out of bounds and behaves recklessly, completely disregarding the feelings of others back
29. He uses 身边人 (lit. person at one’s side but can also mean ‘concubine’) back

水煮鱼 (commonly translated as Sichuan Boiled Fish)